Why Do People Ignore Me?
Hint: Stop Offering Them..Kale?!
My uncle was spitting gold, right in the middle of a juicy story from back in the ol’ days, when he was single… The story began with him talking to a woman he’d just met in the bar.
“So I tell her, doing everything I can to keep a straight face… ‘Well dear, I ran and ran and ran, with these ferocious wolves right behind me.’”
“She looked back at me and said, ‘Oh my god, what happened next?”
“I kept running and running until finally, I got to the end of this canyon and had nowhere to run. And I only had one shot in my pistol left. And I was surrounded. Completely surrounded.”
“She’s looking at me, with big wide eyes and a twinkle in her eye. She really thought I was the living version of Chuck Norris. And she asked me, ‘So, what happened next??’”
“I thought for a second. But boy I didn’t have a clue what to say next. And then it hit me. I really had ran myself into a corner.”
“All I could say back was… ‘Shit, I guess I died!‘”
Everyone roared in laughter.
Nobody had perfected the art of crafting a good bit of bullshit quite like my uncle. He was the guy you simply couldn’t ignore.
I’ll never forget sitting around the campfire, as a 19 year old kid, on that crisp November evening, back at my grandfather’s place in the woods.
With all the guys in the family gathered ‘round the fire, jokes and stories were in full swing. One good joke fueled the next.
I distinctly remember being amazed by how each member of my family could effortlessly speak up, crack jokes, share their stories, and captivate the group.
Fueled by my desire to fit in and gain the respect of my family, I wanted to chime in.
So, I Mustered the Balls to Speak Up
Not that it should take “balls” to speak up — within your own family. But you didn’t know me as an awkward 19 year old…
Anyways, I started on about some story from one of my classes in university — a story with a slow beginning.
I thought to myself, “If they’re just listen for a minute or two, they’ll get a kick out of this.”
But after a few seconds of having the group look in my direction, I felt the pressure. All the eyes were on me.
“I’d better nail this… I hope they don’t ignore me!”
Just then, after clearing my throat — as I tried to compose myself — an extended member of the family saw his chance. And he pounced. Swiftly, he filled up a momentary silence with a captivating question.
Ey, who remembers that story of when ‘ol Jim picked a fight with those fucking cops over in China, when they tried to break into his hotel room?
Unlike my dull attempt to bring the fun, this was a charged question primed to be lit. And within moments, a new, bigger, better fire had been lit.
Just like that, as if their heads were on a swivel, I watched as everyone’s attention switched away from me.
My time in the spotlight was gone before it’d even started. 🙁
Now, this may not seem like a big deal to you. And if it had been a one time thing, it wouldn’t have been. Here’s all that happened:
I tried to speak up, nobody listened. Whatever. Move on, kid. The truth is, I didn’t even blame. I knew I was easy to ignore.
But the thing was that this sort of situation happened ALL THE TIME to me. Deep down, I think I understood what was going on… This was the moment that brought it all to the surface.
At that moment, I painfully realized something simple, yet profound: Whereas my father, uncles, grandfather and brother were overflowing with charm, charisma, and grace…
I was boring and awkward as hell!
Since those days, now almost 10 years ago, I’ve worked hard to improve my social skills. As I shared, that specific day was one of the turning points where I committed to figuring this part of my life out.
Looking back, I cringe at the uncalibrated social stunts I pulled out of my ass on a regular basis. I knew I wasn’t good socially, but what I didn’t know was that I could change.
I Thought I Was Destined to Be Boring
Back then, I believed that some people were charismatic, while others simply weren’t. I used to think that everyone in my family received the “charm gene,” except me.
They were born “naturals.” You’ve seen these people. The type that can sell ice to an eskimo or persuade someone to throw their money right into the trash — and get them to have fun doing it.
But me? I was born the “introvert.” A person people could easily ignore. The shy guy who’s skills were best tailored for a cubicle or a classroom.
Back then, I’d all but accepted a horrible fate: I was trapped into a life of awkwardness.
That was then.
What I Wish I Knew Back Then
Charisma and charm and the ability to captivate others — while some naturally receive these abilities — isn’t a “gene,” but a skill. You can read more about this in Dr. Lieberman’s book, Social.
Or, bookmark his TEDx talk about how your brain is hardwired to grow socially – so you can watch it later – here.
But here’s the main gist since you probably don’t want to spend 25 hours reading his book – or even 25 minutes watching his speech – like I did..
Just as someone can learn to drive a car or write computer code…
You can learn to become skilled socially!
In fact, researchers believe your brain is hardwired to learn social skills faster than most other skills — an adaptation likely formed because socializing was (and still is) so crucial to our survival and success as a species!
The truth is — if you could learn to successfully drive a machine packed with hundreds of horsepower — then research indicates you can become more charismatic.
I know firsthand one can go from awkward to smooth socially because over the last seven years, I’ve sharpened my social skills substantially.
My results — if you want to call them that — are living proof.
While it wasn’t easy, I now — to my own amazement — find myself attracting women, keeping people’s attention and making people laugh, just like my uncles and family members had done years ago.
The great news?
My story isn’t unique. Lots of guys have made this transformation — from the guy people ignore to the man people admire.
Anyone can learn to become more charismatic, more interesting, and more fun to be around. Because skills are learnable.
And if you choose to acquire the gift of gab and the social skills that go with it, you too can get closer to the results you desire in life — romantically, socially, and even professionally.
But to make this transformation socially, there’s one core principle you’ll absolutely need to be aware of.
Looking back, I realize: Until you understand this one core principle, your odds of attracting the social and romantic successes you desire are slim to none.
The Reason People Don’t Pay Attention
If people aren’t paying attention to you, the number one reason why is because you don’t add value to them when you speak up.
What I mean is that — as I learned the hard way time and time again — if you don’t make people’s day better when you open your mouth and talk to them, then surprise — they’ll quickly find a reason to “excuse themselves” or they’ll simply ignore you.
That’s the stone cold truth, my friend.
And if you’re currently struggling in the same way I was, you already know all about this.
Let me ask you, does the following sound familiar?
You start a conversation with someone. For a few moments, things are going fine. But then, what do you know? The personal always needs to “go to the bathroom,” or they “have an appointment,” or, my personal favorite, “Hey, can you excuse me? I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll be right back,” my ass. They don’t come “right back.” You and I both know it.
Hell, when I heard phrases like this, I was surprised if I ever saw that person again in my life.
What was happening to me (and what may be happening to you) is simple. People don’t return if we don’t add value to their day. And what’s even even worse is when we actually make people feel worse as a result of their interaction with us! (I know from experience…)
Truth bomb: People AVOID awkward & boring conversations at all costs!
Luckily, as you’re going to see as you continue, you can end the awkwardness for good!
So let’s be blunt: you’ve got to learn to stop being awkward! This was the realization I had and it changed my life! The simple truth is people will sprint away from conversations with you if you’re awkward!
And hey, we shouldn’t blame them!
People deserve the right to avoid awkward conversations! They should be free to spend time with someone who makes them laugh and smile! 😉
Why would somebody want to spend their precious time in an interaction that made them feel discomfort or boredom?
Especially nowadays! It’s never been easier to avoid interactions with awkward people!
With all of the distractions available, people are just a click or a swipe away from disengaging…
Look, I know I don’t like awkward conversations. You probably don’t, either. So we can’t expect someone else to be any different. We want to have fun and others want the same damned thing!
So let’s focus on giving the people what they want baby! Shall we? 😉
The name of the game when it comes to achieving success socially is learning to both…
1) not be awkward; and then ideally,
2) To become interesting and charismatic.
And to help you avoid being awkward and then, of course, to help you become the interesting badass people love, I have a simple question for you…
What Snacks Do You Like Most?
Seriously… What you snack on matters!
I’ll explain how this question will help you become that charismatic badass people love, in just a second.
But first, do you know the #1 secret to becoming more interesting? If you’ve been reading closely, you already know the secret to becoming interesting.
The #1 secret to becoming an interesting guy – and the secret I desperately wish I’d learned earlier in my life – is learning to give people value in your interactions.
Value? But Jason, what exactly do you mean by giving people “value?”
Giving people value is as simple as giving people what they want, like, and enjoy, when you talk to them. To dive deeper into this idea, I’ll share a quick story I recently heard from best-selling author, Ramit Sethi.
He tells the story of two young kids who are playing together after school…
One of the boys, we’ll call him Ricky, invites his buddy, James, over after school.
James gets to Ricky’s house and asks for a little snack.
Now, if you’re Ricky — and you want to make your buddy James happy — what do you offer him?
If Ricky wants to make his buddy happy, should he offer him what he needs — some broccoli and kale? Or, should Ricky give his pal James what he wants — a sweet and sugary pop tart?
You know the answer! What little James really values and wants is something salty or sweet! Something easy on his taste buds! He wants the pop-tarts, baby!
For shits sake… Don’t offer that little punk kale! He doesn’t care about vitamin A or the micronutrients that kale provides!
Likewise, don’t tell people about your lame college classes like I did when they’re bullshitting about chasing chicks! Give the people what they want!
Give People What they Crave and They’ll Love You
Making your guests happy when they ask you for something to eat is similar to being a smooth mofo socially. Give people what they want — what they crave. Share wild stories! Talk to the guys about beautiful cars, big sports matches, and sexy women. When talking to women? Ask her what type of guy she finds attractive!
Your goal is to cook up your conversations around mouth watering topics people crave…
So then, what do people crave most in social interactions? On dates? Or over a cocktail after work? It’s simple — almost too simple…
People value good emotions! The people want to feel good!!!
That’s the magic secret, my friend! People want to feel good! Make people feel better because of you and they will LOVE YOU. Not too complicated, right?
When you give people what they desire most in your interactions, they will become attracted – and even addicted – to you. Speaking of which, if you want women to become massively attracted to you, be sure to check out my blog-post on this topic, here.
Help people unwind, relax, & enjoy themselves, and they’ll love you!
When you learn to make people feel good around you, whether that’s by telling them a captivating story, cracking some lighthearted jokes, or by simply lending a listening ear, they’ll happily hang around!
Hell, if you get really good at adding value — by making people feel great around you — they’ll drop whatever the hell they’re doing just to spend time around you.
They’ll toast to you, brag about you to their buddies, and introduce you to their female friends! 😉
If you can master the art of giving people what they crave — you’ll have more friends than you can count. The question you want to ask yourself, then, is simple…
How can I really help people feel alive, excited, or relaxed?
What can I do to give people more of what they want, when I’m out socially? How can I give them something salty, something juicy, or something sweet?
Important Notice: If You Want the Sweetest Shortcut to Social and Sexual Success Known to Modern Man, Then This is For You…
Want Social Success in 7 Days?
If you get good at offering people what they want – pop-tarts and burgers instead of kale – you’ll have people asking to come snack at your house all the time. 😉
To conclude, let me ask you…
How are you going to start offering people the salty, crunchy and sweet emotions they crave, in your interactions?
Taking a minute to actively challenge yourself to find new ways of interacting socially is how you’re going to level up towards the life you desire! Let me know your answer in the comment section below. I’m excited to continue the conversation with you…
To your peak,