As the former high school PROM reject, I’ve spend years studying and immersing myself into the dating world. Thousands of approaches, decades of dates, and countless experiences later, and I still love teaching guys to approach women just as much as I loved figuring out these secrets years before.
What follows are four secrets for approaching and meeting women, inspired by Ryan Gosling’s role as Jacob Palmer in Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Want to watch the video breakdown instead of reading?
Secret #1: Stay Present
This may sound “woo-woo,” confusing, or unimportant, but it’s not. First, what does “staying present,” even mean? Staying present means you aren’t thinking ahead.
You don’t have your next three questions pre-meditated. Instead, when you approach her, you want to stay in the present moment and trust that you’ll say the best thing when you go with your gut, in the moment.
In the video breakdown that follows, you’ll see an example of how Gosling’s character does this, and you’ll see how well it works. It allows him to enter the conversation seamlessly, with a witty, well timed question.
Staying present is the secret to being witty.
You can’t be witty if you’re trapped in your head, thinking of the perfect thing to say. Social dynamics occur in real time. It’s why you must stay present.
But how? Take a deep breath in. Then, walk over to her. Do your very best to keep your mind blank. Then, speak your mind as it flows. This takes practice. Practice makes perfect.
Secret #2: Be Boldly Authentic
You’ll see Goslings character epitomize what this looks like below, and you’ll see how well it works. Bold authenticity is the aim. Women love a man who speaks his mind openly. Why?
Because it shows he’s real. It allows her to get to know the real you, fast, and, unless if you’re a creep, it’s your key to quickly conveying that you’re a trustworthy dude.
As you’ll see, bold authenticity means you aren’t hiding your intentions. This takes bravado at first, but when you start boldly and authentically sharing yourself all day long, you can train this to become your natural expression.
By doing so, you aren’t flipping on a switch when you go talk to the girl.
Instead, you’re just expressing who you are, authentically, and boldly. That’s what she wants. And more importantly, that’s what you want, because expressing your bold, authentic core simply feels better than “trying to be the kind of guy you think she’d like.”
PS – bold authenticity is what allows you to meet and connect with the type of women you desire. When you’re boldly authentic, you attract likeminded women and repeal those who crave something different than what you offer.
Secret #3: Always Assume the Best
You’re a man, and she’s a woman. So why wouldn’t she be interested in you? I mean… women like men, and men like women. What more is there to analyze.
This is the mental frame you want to come from. It’s the mindset Gosling’s character clearly has in the video breakdown below. He assumes that Emma Stone’s character is into him the entire time.
This is a confident mindset, no doubt. Women are attracted this this. It shows abundance, it expresses confidence, it displays value. But how do you get to the point where you always assume she’s interested in you?
First, remember the simple man-woman dynamics. Women like men. You’re a man. Thus. women like you. Simple logic.
Then, take this simple, logical mindset out into the world and talk to women. Of course, embodying this takes some time, especially when you’re talking to a gorgeous woman who likes the same music, sports, and books as you.
But by sticking to your simple logical premise, you stay grounded. Regardless of how sexy she is, she’s still a woman, you’re still a man, women like men, and thus, there’s every reason to believe she likes you.
The more you talk to women and the more you remind yourself of this simple truth, the more you’ll be able to always assume the best around women.
Secret #4: Stay Light and Playful
Gosling’s character, in the breakdown below, says a bold line. “You’re never going to regret going home one time from the bar with that tom-cat in the sack.” He’s basically asking the girl to go home and sleep with him.
And he does so within two minutes of meeting her. Outrageously bold, and surely offensive, right? Bold, yes, but offensive? No. Not to her. Why?
Because he stays light and playful. This is a huge secret to being boldly authentic and not offending people.
Human beings are emotional creatures. We’re not as logical as we think we are. This is equally the case, naturally, with women. Thus, when you go and talk to her, keep it light and playful.
This makes you emotionally stimulating, exciting, and fun. It also is the key to saying that bold thing without offending her.
No joke, you can get away with saying almost anything if you do so with a smirk and a playful disposition. Try it somewhere that you’ll never be seen again. You’ll see.
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We are addicted to the unknown. It’s why throwing women the ol’ curve ball works such wonders. For example, right as she’s expecting some small talk, LEAD her on an adventure!